Letter To My Boyfriend's Ex Girlfriend

And then you let him go.

You knew right away he was and is the one for you. Now you can only have him through the memories of how perfectly your hand fits with his, how his lips made your whole body feel the warmth of his love, how his embrace protected your soul from all the pain, how he made you feel whole specially when it mattered the most.  

He was not perfect.  No one is but he did his best. His flaws only made him real. He is not some prince charming you so wanted when you were a kid or the Mr. Right songs and movies and novels painted for you. He was the man who loved you at your best, understood and accepted you at your worst, and never left your side until the very end. His strengths held you as much as his weaknesses comforted you.

 What was it?

… The timing? Did you not have the strength to fight for him against your family’s and/or friends’ expectations?
… The lack of courage? Weren’t you brave enough to risk the rest of your life with him without certainty of your future with him?
… You? You were simply not ready and knew you had to live some more, love some more, leave some more?
… Him? Were there expectations he couldn’t meet or compromises he was not willing to make?
… Someone else? You chose someone else over him, willingly or otherwise?

Now almost everything around you is beginning to be a reminder of the time and world you shared with him. It is now lost in your seldom-lucid mind. Pictures, his gifts, his words, his music, the roads you traveled together, the nights you spent apart, the food you both like and everything about him speak to you in riddles. They make you realize of the what-could-have-beens. They make you regret not paying as much attention to the small things he used to do or say or make you feel in times past as you should have – those things that are now affirming how much you lost when you lost him.

You miss him… so much your body aches. You hate yourself for missing your chance.

You were too much of the same thing you and him. Unfortunately, also different in all the wrong ways. You thought you did your best. You could have given so much more. But it’s too late. Your tongues will never again intertwine, his hand will never again caress your skin, he will never look at you the same way because, unlike you, he has moved on. He has unlearned loving you. Maybe he still loves you but not in the ways that made your world spin before. He is happy now. A happiness you know he deserves but, heck! It could have been you.

Settle for his memories… settle for his proximity… settle for his friendship and maybe it was something built too late, too brittle to rely on, too complicated to access and too good to be true but that’s all you will ever have.

Breath. Don’t fight the pain. You, at least have the right to that.

Also know, like everything else, this one might or might not pass. You might stay in love with him forever. Even after you find someone to marry or have a family with, at the base of your heart and soul is and will forever be him. He will forever have that place that, no matter how you try, will never be gone.

Cry your tears. It will get better even if you don’t try, even if you don’t want to, it will get better. Just keep on pushing yourself to keep on walking everyday knowing you will live in a world where he and she exist. Just remind yourself to breath the same air she breaths for him and he for her. Just force yourself to believe in the sun even if you see darkness.

And maybe one of these days, you will not have to push yourself anymore or remind yourself or force yourself to live and hope.