I wish there is some kind of a rulebook for vulnerability. Some guide that tells you when you’ve crossed the line or when enough is enough. Something you can bring along everyday everywhere you go to refer to when you see signs of danger or about to enter a state of confusion but I guess the danger of hurting is a pre-requisite to falling in love.
I tried evading the risk. I spent my whole life building walls and mastering strategies to keep everyone out and survive with only the things that are necessary. I was doing pretty good at it. Then you came and before I knew it, my walls kept on cracking until it had enough cracks for it to be destroyed with just a pinch. I don’t blame you, you didn’t ask for it. I think all you did is something silly like say ‘Hi.’
I don’t know how it happened. Suddenly, you are all over the place, all over me. I am scared as hell. This is like jumping from the exosphere with no parachute, no safety net waiting, certainly no angel around fast enough and with wings strong enough to soften the impact when I do hit the ground. I could have turned back. I had that moment, that moment when I could have decided to walk away from it all but I saw you waiting down there. The only thing that separates you from me was this free fall. And I did the dumbest thing, I jumped.
I do not regret any of it. I do not regret a single word I told you and surprisingly, I do not regret the vulnerability. There is this huge possibility that I will wake up one day with all my bones broken, scar all over my skin, pieces of my soul scattered everywhere and a dying heart. Along with that fear you brought, however, is the courage to not care about tomorrow. I found myself saying, ‘What the heck! He is worth it.’So I’ll take this step, this journey with you. Defenses off, precautions zero. I’ll step on every damn thorn, cross every freakin’ line, take every stupid risk to make it work with you.
You have my heart.
No matter how much I try to watch for it, I know I will not have any power to stop you should you decide to grind it and fry it like a burger. It’s a risk I’m taking because knowing you have it with you for a brief moment beats the hell out of eternity without you.
I’m now ready for a fall.
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