dear you, yes you. there are things that i cant really tell you.
there are times or should i say most of the time when all i can do is just sit
down and cry. i want to scream but im afraid you might here me.
boy i lost everything just to be with you. a man who really loves
me commited suicide because of knowing that i dont feel the same way for him.
no, i dont blame you for that because i know fate brings us where
our soul can be satisfied, happy and contended. his death forced me to live
again. but this time, with you...
i didnt make it hard for you to get me because i know you and i
have loved you even in our first month. maybe its just because i am sick of
feeling unsecured, that is one reason why i chosed you.
after two months.. yes only for two months you became cold and i
really felt that. youre breaking up with me. youre not coming home, youre not
asking how i am. but when you finally get back to me, i dint feel any hatred
instead i welcomed you again. a warm welcome that ended up with confessions.
after telling me that you have this girl and an eight month old
daughter, still... i just cried under my pillow. you didnt hear a sound because
i care more about you, it doesnt matter you have another girl just as long as
you can make it all up to me that you can break it to me gently.. that broke my
heart and you know what? you have killed me.. yes i died last march 5, 2011..
thats what i thought..
but after two months, i found out that theres a life in me. now
youre not hurting me. not just me, but the two of us. these stunts you pulled
behind my back really sucks. i did talk to you because i want to know if you
still love me and if by any chances you can be the father of my child, i mean
our child. but you didnt say a thing. it crashed my world. i dealt with anxiety
and all and lost our baby.. you destroyed me.. im horrible, wasted and im so
lost.
honey i dont know if whats wrong in me. you did like me but didnt
loved me even once. now i was about to move on, youre calling me, i cant resist
you really. we had sex showed affection to each other but after a day, i was
like "what again has gotten into me" i never heard you say you
love me or you "miss me" just for formality! i got home crying! i
want to bumped my car and make sure i will die.
you have sisters. dont you? are you really insensitive so for no
reason youre treating me like this? do you want this to happen tou your own
sisters, cousins and to your daughter someday?.
i hate you but i cannot do anything. loving is the only feeling
left in me. im trying to love my self as much as possible and i got answers to
my question so someday when we meet half way, when i dont feel the same way
with you, i can tell you how fool you are of letting go of me. but for now, i
only had one answer out of many questions i had in mind. it is, what is wrong
in me is YOU!..
thanks for my parents they did not raised me having burried
feelings to someone, and i dont say bad words when i really mean it, i dont
curse people, i dont hope they'll die when im mad. im just too good for you and
for you to hurt me this way is unfair.. ill leave it all up to god... you can
pay your debt from me to him. and dont worry ill still be good to your family.
thanks for "loving me for fuck" thanks also for "taking me
for granted" and most of all "thanks for making me realize how trashy
i am, multiply that to hundreds, that is how trash you are.
yours not,
grayelle
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