There i was .. lying there resting my head on
your chest.. listening to the rhythm and the beat of my life. That sweet
repetitive melody that is the reason for my fidelity, and not to mention.
The only remedy for all the pain that i experienced through time. i
cant wait til' we get married coz he'll be the last image i see every
night and i'll be the first thing he sees in the morning when he opens up his
eyes, and that is a metaphor for the sunrise coz its not the sun it is him who
makes the birds sing and the flowers bloom, the trees would die without him,
and i would too so.. there i was .. lying there resting my head on his chest..
listening to the rhythm and the beat of my life. yes my life.. and although
that's his heart that's my half. maybe not now but he will be in the future, so
i wanna make sure that you GET THAT RIGHT.
Because i knew from the get-go that
i would never let go of a love so special as this one, NOT THAT ONE, but this
one.. and if my life were a book, he'd definitely be my favorite chapter.
i wouldnt give a damn about the pages that come before or after because he
is that sun that brightens up my day.. he is that sun that shines on the moon
that guides me through the dark at night, he's those squiggly marks on the
screen at the hospital that says im still alive and if he ever left me i would
die. then those squiggly lines would turn into a solid line and then you'd have
to arrest him for involuntary manslaughter. but that's not gonna happen coz we
gone get married and he's gonna voluntarily give my moms a granddaughter.. so i
feel i might as well just stop reciting this poem now and start writing my vows
coz i feel like im married at 16 and honestly, that's okay with me as long as
he is the groom to be.. and i know damn well we aint getting no divorce
because losing him is like a porsche i cant afford it. i'd choose his life over
mine any day coz he's way more important.. and this boy knows me better than
anybody else.. he probably knows the back of my hand better than i do myself
and i pray to god everyday that this aint a dream but if it is.. give me a
pillow and blanket coz im going back to sleep so i can dream about him.. coz
even if i wanted to, i couldnt stop myself from thinking about him.
And it might as well have all been a DREAM coz
its no longer reality. you see its not that he's not the one for me but im not
THE ONE for HIM.. who can provide him with all his wants and needs. coz he
wants someone whose more "GOOD" and i can stand in front of a bunch of
strangers and make great conversation but when its JUST US TWO we seem to
argue.. tempers flare and we engage in confrontation.. plain and simple he said
i'm not the GIRL he fell in love with in the beginning and quite frankly this
is a LOSE-LOSE situation coz neither one of us are winning. but it
was he WHO CAST THE FIRST STONE when he let ME into the picture. said she is so
close to his heart but he allowed ME to kiss HIM. and whats whack is, this aint
even the first time i was put in this situation. i didnt know about this
because he didnt feel it was a big deal or the need that he had to tell
me. i guess this is just too much for him to handle.. but he didnt
cheat on me, says like.. that's supposed to EASE THE PAIN, it doesnt matter you
kissed another GIRL, those lips were NOT for me so its gonna HURT JUST THE
SAME..
but i'll defend him because technically he didnt
cheat.. coz after a month this relationship was kicking our ass so we decided
we needed a break. take things slow so we can work things out, but we made a
promise.. to stay physically, mentally, and emotionally..
faithful.. and i had no problem keeping up with my end of the
bargain. i dont know who broke this but i know he doesnt love me
anymore. and i had to find out all of this on my own. not even from the
boy whose heart i used to call HOME, but he realized kissing me was WRONG so..
now he wants me OUT.. so its up to me to dig down deep in my soul to forgive
and forget to put our friendship back on track. but like that track from
R.kelly my mind's telling me NO and my body's telling me YES. but my heart's
jumping up and down saying -- PUT THIS SHIT ON REST, I CANT DO IT ANYMORE!..
coz even though the tables have turned and now the ball is in my court for a
change its not me but its him whose knocking at my door,...
I cant ANSWER IT.. i MEAN, i FORGIVE him, but i
just cant FORGET., and me not GETTING HIM back may lead to me living a
life of REGRET. but its just NOT THE SAME.. so ima leave it up to god coz he's
gonna show me the way.. coz i was headed in your direction but GOD put me on a
detour.. said he has plans to show me, a man who will love and appreciate
me more.. more than you ever did.. more than you ever will because after these
stunts you pulled behind my back, in my opinion, you dont give a damn how i
feel.. so if i were to ever lay there again with my head on his chest, i
would no longer be listening to the rhythm and the beat of my life.. just be
listening to a heartbeat.. that broke mine..
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