Dear Mom,
I haven’t been the ideal daughter… not even close.
I answer back, I sneak out too often, I don’t study as hard as I should have, I made out with the boy you didn’t like, I learned to curse, I post photos online of me wearing a bikini, I tried cigarettes and alcohol, and if I go on, you would be reading this letter the whole day.
The worst part is that I never really felt guilty for those things that I did, for disobeying you. My youth was my excuse. I was young… am young… I have my entire life to correct them. Of course there are some things I can’t correct but like any other young girl out there, I didn’t know that until now. I felt like I was entitled to make mistakes too, the same way you probably have.
Despite that, I still don’t feel sorry for those things because those things made me realize how well you brought me up, how the love you showed me protected me even when you weren’t around.
I have been in bad situations mom, situations so bad I don’t think I will ever have the nerve to tell you. I have faced the worst kinds of people, I have seen things you would never wish on your worst enemy. But you know what Mom? I turned out alright. I made the right choices… not all the time but enough times for me be okay now… not perfect but okay.
You warned me not to see that guy. You said you know me enough to be sure I would fall deeply in love and he will just break my heart. I went against what your advice and you were right. He did break my heart… into million pieces. But you also taught me courage and it was what I used to put my heart back together and look at me now. I am okay… not perfect but okay.
You asked me to stay away from the friends I had in junior high and it only made me want to stay with them more. Again you were right because they almost got me expelled. You saw how scared I was of having that on my record. But you taught me how to believe in myself and believe in God and life. You were right about that too because I am here, right about to go to college and okay… not perfect but okay.
You were right about the drinking and smoking too. You were right about my studies. You were right about the people I should have never trusted. You were right about the photo of me I should have never taken and posted. But what is important is that you were also right to teach me how to respect myself enough to always face the consequences of my actions and come back from it in one piece and better. I am better, Mom… not perfect but better and it was all because of you.
I am telling you all these because you always doubt yourself as a mother. To be honest, I can’t answer you. I don’t know if you are a great mother. I never had any other so I have no basis of comparison but there is one thing I am sure of… you are a great human being. You are a great human being all the time, Mom, even when no one is looking, even when I wasn’t looking and that is how you taught me the lessons you said I needed to learn.
I am going to college and if I am going to listen to the stories I hear about it, I am in for a ride, some really really wild ride. I am most likely going to make more mistakes, I am sure of it but I am also sure that I will be okay… not perfect but okay.
Because you are mom and I am your daughter. And you brought me up with faith and respect and love.
I love you, Mom and I will continue to do so everyday of my life.
Love,
Louise
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