Gerry,
There’s something I realized just now… I can’t blame you for anything that happened to me. The only fault you ever had is leaving us. Everything that happened after that is all on me.
I gave you too much power over me to think you were never with me. I allowed you to make the decisions on what I will do with my life, to think you never did anything for me to have one.
I can’t blame you for anything. It’s all on me.
And it ends now.
The only way I can do that is to forgive you. I need all the energy I can have for me to turn my life around and most of it is spent hating you. So, I forgive you. Whatever the reason you did what you did, I don’t care about that anymore. I don’t need to understand, I don’t need to know.
I don’t think I can ever call you my father or ever see the good in what you have done but I know that I can stare at the truth of what you did and function sanely, move on and live my life the way I should have.
This is the first letter you got from me but this is not the first letter I have every written to you. This is, however, the only one that matters now.
This is some sort of a goodbye… my goodbye to you. I was never in your life but you have always been in mine. For the longest times, I allowed myself to be the mistress’ son… the unwanted child… the fruit of the sin. I can’t let that continue.
This is my goodbye to all that I wish you were and all that I thought you were and all that you were to us.
Grizzy
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