Amerie,
Fifty years. We’ve been together 50 years and I never wrote you a single letter and I do remember you calling me out on that when we were younger.
I don’t quite remember when you actually stopped and gave up on me. You know I was never the kind. I am a lot of things but being articulate is not one of them. Saying how I feel is not something I do well but I would like to think that whatever I failed to tell you, I was able to show you.
I never really thought that I would write you a letter but time has a way of changing us. I realized that last month when our doctors started warning me about being more careful about what I eat and advising me to get some regular work out. My body, he said, is starting to feel the effects of father time. He told me that I have to take care of myself more seriously if I want to delay the arrival of the twilight of my life.
I have not been particularly serious about workouts and healthy diets. The thrice a week walks and daily veggies and fruits have been pretty much my definition of healthy living. I know that’s another thing about me you wish was different.
The thing is that I have been happy, very happy with you that I hardly really wanted to change anything. I know that you would think it’s an excuse for my laziness. Maybe it is but it doesn’t change the fact that I have been happy with you and I want you to know that I appreciate it.
I appreciate everything you have done for me. I appreciate your honesty. I know that there were many things you didn’t have to tell me. We both know I trusted you enough to take your word on anything. I didn’t need proof and I certainly don’t need someone else’s word just to believe yours. Yet, you chose to always be honest with me even when you knew it would hurt me and you.
Your honesty made me feel worthy of something that comes very rare in this world, the truth.
I appreciate your forgiveness. I have made so many mistakes. There were a lot of wrong things I did and right things I didn’t do. There is not a single excuse I could offer to make any of those acceptable but you managed to forgive me. I have never met anyone who is more generous of their forgiveness.
Your forgiveness made me want to become a better person, the person that deserves to be with you.
I appreciate your friendship. It was how we started in 4th grade, two kids who really just wanted to hang around each other. I enjoyed talking with you, dreaming with you, making terrible artworks with you, doing nothing with you… I still do and I really appreciate that you feel the same way. God knows I’m not the most romantic person but our friendship kept us going.
Your friendship is the one thing that made me feel loved… all the time.
I appreciate your respect. You let me grow and you supported my decisions. You didn’t always understand the reason behind my actions and the rationale behind my decisions but you never failed to let me live my life. It is that respect that allowed me to become the man that I am, to run after my dreams, and to learn from my failures.
Your respect is the reason I have achieved my everything I have achieved.
I appreciate you and the decision you made to keep me in your life, to continue living this life with me, and to take the good with the bad.
I have tried every day to make you feel that appreciation. So, I guess this letter is just some sort of an assurance. I heard women are big on that. This letter is just to make you realize that you make me happy, you always made me happy and I wouldn’t want anything any other way. I love you for all that you are, just as you are.
I will try to take my health more seriously but, as my doctor said, it is more important that I make the most out of what I have now because I don’t have a lot of time left. If… when the time comes when my memory starts to fail me, when I start forgetting dates and names and the past, when I can’t walk miles with you, when I lose the energy to eat out and go to the beach and take long drives, when I become totally wrinkled and fat and unattractive… please know in your heart that under all those irritating things is a truly happy man.
Don’t ever take pity on me when I become old and useless because you made those years that matter worth living.
I love you my dear wife, partner, and bestfriend.
Jack
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