Funny Resignation Letter 2

This is a real and funny resignation letter. Got this from my officemate.

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Unfaithful Boyfriend

Khlip,

I heard you talking to her.

I heard you telling her you love her.

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Lies

I honestly thought that you were the woman I was going to marry. I literally couldn’t picture anyone being the mother of my children but you. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with you.

I still can’t… but I have to.

I never understood why people have affairs. I told you that before and I remember you laughing at me. I remember you saying that I should never make statements like that because I just might do it. I promised you then I never would.

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Funny Letter of a Wife To a Mistress

Thank you Jennifer,


......For leaving bite marks all over my husbands chest last night. 

No, really, Thank You! You have no idea what a nightmare you have just saved me and my kids from. 

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Kurt Cobain's Suicide Letter

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A Father's Letter To Her Daughter (On Adoption, Growing Up and Love)

Dear Riched,

I always knew this day would come and I have had different scenarios in my mind on how to react when a guy shows up at our doorsteps to pick you up for a date. I thought of scaring him, not facing him, being friendly with him… I had all those… but I never thought I’d feel scared. Yes, my little angel, you father is scared of the 15-year-old boy who is not even half my weight. I’m scared he’ll take you away which I know is silly considering this is just a date but I guess every father earns a free pass on temporary insanity on the day his daughter is to date for the first time.

I have tried to forget about it the minute you walked out that door but I can’t. I feel like this is the beginning of a new phase in your life, that phase when you will start needing us less and less. I wish there is something I can do to delay it.

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The Goodbye That Was Never Said

So here we are – at the end of our long journey. I think destiny finally found its way towards us.

Our last conversation is the most difficult and the easiest I have ever had.

In a relationship as long and difficult as we have had, the decision to end it this way makes me happy for the way we finally decided to do it. Not only were we finally able to talk to each other respectfully, we have managed to do so with the hope of actually being friends in the future.

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Someday, this pain will make sense

I hope someday this pain will make sense to to you.

I know what I've put you through. I've made you thump so fast at every little thing I did. I've made you endure so much pain so many times. I knew you were getting weak and tired but I didn't stop.

I knew it all but i chose him over you. I prioritized him over you. Even though it is you who keeps me alive, the one who continuously pumps blood to every corner of my body so I could go about my daily life.

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Jobless and Happy

It's 4am, I am tired and I have tons of things to do tomorrow but I can't sleep.

It's a Thursday and just two weeks ago, I would be celebrating on a Thursday because I know Friday is about to come and I'd have two days off work but now, I don't have to worry about work because I have none.

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Funny Birthday Messages

... for the daily drama you bring in to our lives

... for the twisted principles you develop in order to survive

... for the stylized vanity you consistently reinvent

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Break Up Letter

Don't flatter yourself. I am not crying over you, I am jus pissed at myself for not realizing what kind of a piece of shit you really are.

I have to admit, I allowed my vanity to take the best of me so when you started paying attention to me and making me feel special, I pursued you.

Vanity is a bitch.

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Letter to my Friends

We all start out with fairytales, the hopes and illusions of living in a castle with servants who talk in rhymes, shining silver and gold utensils and a landscaped garden that complements the horizon from your bedroom window.

Then life happens. The fairytale becomes an unreasonable and ridiculous story made up to temporarily fill in the helplessness of your childhood. Too many people and events are allowed the power to manipulate our lives that who we were or thought we were totally becomes a strange and distant concept. How does it happen?Pain, sadness, emptiness are emotional visitors that never stop coming until it hurts and you eventually become numb. And when you thought you hit the bottom you’ll find that your back is yet to touch the ground, that you are still falling and the sound of your screams is useless because you are too deep in between.

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Letter of Teen Mother to her Baby in the Womb

Dear Baby,

Do you feel what I feel? When I am scared, do you feel scared too? I read that a baby in the womb will feel everything a mother feels. You think what I think. You hate what I hate and you love what I love.

If that is true then you must be scared to hell like I am. I mean, I can barely getting though my teen years and here I am about to be a mother. Soon enough, you will come out and will rely on me completely to survive. How am I supposed to guide you when I can barely survive myself? I am barely a good daughter and I have to be a great mother to you. If babies really feel what a mother feels then you must feel that. 

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Letter of Forgiveness

Gerry,

There’s something I realized just now… I can’t blame you for anything that happened to me. The only fault you ever had is leaving us. Everything that happened after that is all on me.

I gave you too much power over me to think you were never with me. I allowed you to make the decisions on what I will do with my life, to think you never did anything for me to have one.

I can’t blame you for anything. It’s all on me.

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Letter To My Childhood Friends

I just came from a night out with my two best buddies who also happen to be my cousins. i didn't realize how much we grew apart. This is my unsent letter to them. 

You are the two people I spent my childhood with. Memories of home are almost always memories with you. We have been each other’s witnesses to each other’s lives  - as reluctantly as it is fortunately.
 

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Simply, not enough

As much as I would like to believe that you left because it is better for me if you are not around, that you left because i deserve to find someone better, that if I leave myself open, someone better will come along...

As much as I would like to believe that this whole thing is for me... because it is better for me... the only thing that makes sense to me is that you left because I am not enough to make you stay.

I am not enough.

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Funny Break Up Letter

Dear Rey,

I am a needy person and extremely scared of being alone which is hard for someone like me because I am not exactly an attractive girl. I am not ugly but not the kind that guys would give a second look to. I need a companion and it is strong enough to overrule any other emotion or any thought. I am insecure and demanding.

Yet, I decided to break up with you. That should tell you how horrible you are of a person for the one desperate person in the world to want to break up with you.

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I Miss You: A Love Letter

I miss you constantly… all the time. It doesn’t pass. I wish it does… I usually take a moment waiting for it to pass. I try turning my attention to something else. I work, I write, I run, I exhaust myself to the point of helplessness just as so I will not have enough energy or time to miss you. But it just won’t go away. It takes over or co-exist with everything else inside or positions itself in between everything else. But it doesn’t go away.

I have never missed anyone this much that it makes my body ache literally. I tried crying. Tears have a magical way of allowing people to feel a little better under different circumstances. That’s useless too. I cry myself to sleep or I cry in the middle of work and I still would miss you with the same intensity, with the same passion, with the same pain. It’s just way too deep that even tears can’t reach it.

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Happy Birthday To Me

The first quarter was a high. It had the melodic riffs of a Jimi Hendrix and the timelessness of The Beatles. The drums were heartpounding like that of the Rolling Stone. The vocals were belted out loudly but clearly enunciated like that of Linkin Park.
It was a little bit Rock N Roll.

The second quarter was lyrically magical, like that of an Aretha Franklin. The vocals were difficult to follow, often shifting from lows to highs to beyond like that of a Macy Gray. There was sax, there was violin, ocassionally there was harp and, surprisingly, some a capella.
It was a little bit Soul.

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A Letter to Stupid Hearts

Dear Stupid Heart, 

He's a great guy. He won't break your heart. He doesn't lie. He calls when he says he will. He does what he says he will do. He is sensitive about your feelings. He tolerates your moods. He actually thinks your are cute when you mad. He has plans for his life and he has plans for you. 

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Break Up Letter : Outgrowing A Relationship

Below is my boyfriend's letter to me after he said he wanted to break up. He couldn't give a cohesive explanation then so I asked him to think about it. This is what he came up with.

I know you deserve an explanation and I have spent the last couple of days just trying to figure out what happened between us. 

We started out so in love and so sure, much like most couples. I wasn’t lying to you then when I said that I wanted to someday marry you. That’s how I felt then and I never thought that would change. 

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Letter To Men About Women's Menstruation

Dear Men, 

If I had a nickel for everytime I hear a guy  complain against the moodiness of women during our monthly period, I would probably have five houses by now.

First of all, the mere fact you haven't had a menstrual period should automatically bar you from commenting or saying anything about menstruation and how we deal with it. But because my time of the month is starting right about now I can't help but give into my the hormonal forces violently surging through my whole being. In a couple of hours, I assure you, my body is goint to transform to a human version of Megatron in steroids. Isn’t the female human body amazing?

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Letters to HighSchool Jocks and Popular Ones

Dear Jocks/ school princess/pretty ones/popular ones,

Make sure you enjoy the popularity, the attention of other students, other students wanting to be like you, and other students wanting to be you. Make sure you pack as much ego as you can because it’s all downhill from here. 

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Dear Life

Dear life,

I loved you. whenever my friends profess their hatred for you i always defended you. i keep on making them realize that there are a lot of things good things about you. i help them appreciate you.

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Loving Yourself: A Letter To Sad Souls

Loving yourself is too abstract a phrase that people associate it with all the wrong things. Some people think that loving yourself means finding a partner that will complete them - getting that someone who opens the doors for them, listens to their woes, worries about them, makes them laugh. Others do it by being that person to someone else – getting someone or a couple of someones who depend on them, who consider their words a law. Then there is the ever common scenario of trying to satisfy other people. Some people just do everything, even things beyond their power, just as so they could see other people nodding in agreement at what they do. That’s what loving yourself is for them – when others love them.

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Hilariously Stupid Excuse Letters of Parents to School

Some parents were never meant to be parents.

These are real notes written by parents in a Tennessee school district...(spellings have been left intact.) 

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him. 

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Unique Cute Love Letter

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Break Up Letter to a Stupid Girl

Dear Shelly,

I should have gotten a clue that our relationship won’t work out when I start realizing that your boob size is the same as your IQ. But I was too infatuated with you beauty. You were, still are, perfect. Your hair is always in place, your make up always the right amount, your dress was always perfect. You’re like a doll… a talking doll… you talk even without a brain. 

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A Letter to My Bestfriend

Dear Pedro,


Everyday for the last 14 years, you always make me feel how happy you are to see me come home.

You never cared how much money I make or what job I do or where I live or where we go or how much weight I gained, for as long as you were with me, you were happy.

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Funny Break Up Note

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile. But it doesn't take any to sit here and not  give a shit about you. Get the fuck out of my life.

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Greatest and Funniest Insults You Can Use

Talking to a god-forsaken mutilated amoeba has more intellectual benefits than conversing with you.

Are you always this stupidor is today a special occasion?

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Break Up Notes

I don't hate you I just don’t care about you.

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